reaching

have you ever felt as though you work as hard as you can, put forth all you have, and do your very best, yet the goals you strive for remain just out of reach? i find myself at that specific point in nearly every area of my life and it just might send me over the edge.

i recently spent 3 days in knoxville, tennessee and i'm afraid a large part of my heart remained there. i went down to graduate. i had no family there (other than my graduating sister), but the friends that i was able to share the event with are absolutely some of the most important people in my life. i've missed them greatly and i didn't even realize just how much.

my sister gets married one month from today. june 21st, she'll walk down that aisle and say "i do" to one of the greatest men i've ever met. two weeks later, they'll move to puerto rico where they'll live a paradise life and teach children. and she's counting down the days until she can get out of here.

a couple days ago, i found out that instead of teaching 1st grade next year, i'll be teaching 3rd. obviously, there are pros and cons to all situations. i think this will be a good fit for me. so, this summer, i start over again.

i want to buy a house more than i want to do anything else in my life right now. it's the scariest thing i've ever considered doing and it makes me feel like i'm way out of my league to even attempt it on my own. it's a bittersweet process for me; the idea of being completely independent is exhilirating...yet, this is one of those things i never dreamed i would be doing by myself. i always pictured myself sharing this experience with...someone.

well, it's back to the grind now. this time of year is incredibly busy for school-people. so many grades to finish up, textbooks to account for, and most importantly, children to enjoy for just a few more short weeks. i can honestly say that i will miss seeing them on a daily basis. they bring me joy every day. regardless of all the politics and the drama and the nonsense that goes on in the "grown-up world," i know that as soon as the first 7-year-old walks through the door at 745am with a "good morning, miss maple!" and a smile on his/her face, i am right where i should be. i am doing what i was made to do and i couldn't ask for a more rewarding profession. throughout the frustration and the sweat and tears, at the end of the day, i would not trade this for anything.

there's the nutshell.

contentment

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?"

For so many years, this movie quote has been my mantra. Am I truly enjoying my life or am I playing it safe? In the last few months, I have found the inner strength to ditch these lines and come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, right where I should be doing exactly what I was meant to do. Yes, I lead a small life. Everything I do happens in the little town where I grew up. Besides teaching 1st grade and coaching 7th grade volleyball this fall, I've added a kickboxing class, coaching long/high jump at the high school level, coaching a 5th-6th club volleyball team, new friends, bizarre encounters...and contentment. Sure it's not all "rainbows and butterflies"...I've dealt with my fair share of situations (and people) that I would just as soon not face again as long as I live. But life is 10% WHAT you deal with and 90% HOW you deal with it. I refuse to let the crap of life get in my way. As my good friend Matt Wertz says, "Happy times are here again."

exhaustion

i teach 1st grade. i coach 7th grade volleyball. i'm exhausted. like, all the time. but i couldn't ask for a better place to work and live and be. as hard as it might be to believe, i'm enjoying my hometown. call me crazy.

my so-called life

these days, my life consists of slip 'n' slides, PB&J sandwiches, string cheese, dirty diapers, walks in the wagon, and trips to the public library. as you read that, you think "erin, your life is lame." this might be true, but i love it. being a nanny for 4 boys under the age of 8 is a blast...completely exhausting, but worth every minute.

well, just thought i'd share my most recent smile with you all. now it's back to reading harry potter. :o)

family, friends, and pyrotechnics

*sigh* what a great time of year. i just got home a couple days ago from the most fantastic wedding extravaganza i've ever been a part of. tim and courtney both looked amazing. the whole long weekend was a taste of heaven, for sure. close friends and families just...being. laughing, telling stories, remembering the "good ol' days" and even shedding a few heart-felt tears. my heart felt like it could burst with joy watching daddy blum walk his little girl down the aisle and give her away. he did it confidently, knowing that tim will always love her and always take care of her. i'm so thankful to have such incredible people in my life.

then today, of course, was full of food, family, friends, fellowship and fireworks. if you don't know, i LOVE fireworks. and thanks to the help of an old fireworks friend of mine, john, i got the cream of the crop and a heck of a deal. the show was a hit; the crowd loved them. and i take great pride in my capability to put on a show, full of the mastery of pyrotechnics. plus, i got to do dozens of sparklers and make s'mores with the watkins girls. LOVE them too. :o)

i just love summertime. there's always something fun right around the corner. i can barely wait to wake up tomorrow!

blissful, busy week

this business of not working is AMAZING! i've spent this week working on various projects for class, but mostly hanging out with friends. i'm trying to cram in as much socialness as possible in these last few days, because i will miss these friends dearly. tonight's agenda includes dinner with the evelands; dear friends from my college days. and heck, it's a free meal! good times will be had by all, i'm certain. :o)

bittersweet departure

tonight was my last night of work at kohl's. I've been looking forward to this day for...well...a long time. finally, i don't have to drive clear to west Knoxville just to work a 5 hour shift. finally, i don't have to pick up after sloppy men who insist on trying jeans on and leaving them in heaps. finally, i don't have to argue with customers about sale prices. finally. however, as exhilarating as it is to not have to deal with the retail business, i have made some very wonderful acquaintances in the year that i've been there. i was somewhat overwhelmed this evening at the parting goodbyes and good lucks i received. i never dreamed so many of them would tear up and hug me farewell. i even had offers of places to stay if (or in their words, "when") i come back to visit knoxville. i realized that i really will miss that obnoxious store...or more precisely, i will miss those folks i have spent countless hours working along side. end of chapter.